I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is my gift to your gina
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
