Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
