think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Your dad touched me again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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