I want to make a zoo with you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize