I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
