I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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