no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
