After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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