not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
