Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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