I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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