when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
