i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
