obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
