God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
