ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
