Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
