please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
