I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
