You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i came on her dog
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
