Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
