butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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