We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
