when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
