I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
