I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
