I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
