so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
