Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Buhtt sex?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
