I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
