Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
