I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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