I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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