I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
