Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
