A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
