I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
