i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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