My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
