BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
