I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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