the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
