He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize