barbara walters just said penis...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
