I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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