halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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