Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize