Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
