we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
