I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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