did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize