That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
