That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
pray to the hookup gods
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
