He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
