i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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