I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
