so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
