I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize