It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
