Welp...herpes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize