Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
