how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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