he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
