the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize