In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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