I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize