i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
