you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
