Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
