my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize