I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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