Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
