I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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