the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize