You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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