went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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