you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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