I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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