Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
