I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
