Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You may now shotgun with the bride
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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