Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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