This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
