If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
