so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
