alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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