Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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