I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
