I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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