I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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