Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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