you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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