I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
