soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
