Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
