somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
