im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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