make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
